A pregnancy in five acts: A recap of the past ten months
Also: A hot new place in Berlin, an exciting movie premiere, great books and holidays at the incredible Villa Sospir in Cap Ferrat with paintings by Jean Cocteau
My dear Internet Friends,
I hope you are well.
I am doing good while being very tired - at the beginning of June I gave birth to our son Cassius, and I am a mom now! I am writing this with baby Cass parked on my lap - which sometimes works great and sometimes it doesn’t. Having a kid feels truly like nothing I ever felt, to quote Elizabeth Stone, American librarian and educator: Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. It’s exhausting, yet so heart-warming and fulfilling. I am so tired, but also so happy. The co-existence of all feelings, all at the same time.
For HOTEL AMORE INC I have planned two features on pregnancy and baby things to pass on the knowledge I have speed-gained over the past weeks and which I hope are helpful to others. Both features will have a first part on all things culture which are baby-unrelated, so if you don’t care about babies no problem :)
Places I visited
New Acid location
The popular Acid cafe has expanded to a second location, in one of my favorite streets in Berlin at Christinenstraße 19 with a quiet, beautiful and sun-spoilt outdoor seating area. It’s perfect for a morning post-class at one of my fav boutique gyms Framework next door - can’t wait to go again soon as I couldn’t do the classes during pregnancy (they now offer also prenatal, fyi!).
onette
We visited onette in Schöneberg, which is an American diner style all-day-eatery. Come for breakfast and lunch during the day, for wine and snacks in the evening. Caesar-anchovies salad was great, soup was okay. Feels like if you don’t go for salad, your meal could be pretty heavy, but then again, you could go for a salad. I liked the CI and design of onette, felt quite different from other places in Berlin.
Peruvian-inspired luncheonette in Kreuzberg - we had a great salad with spicy goddess dressing, burger and some of the best fries since a long time. Maybe they are air-fried? Not sure. But super good. Plus, only 400 meter walking distance to the Abramovic / July / Anderson exhibition which is recommend below…
I love Berlin for it - there are always new and exciting cafes and restaurants opening. Trying them out is one of my favorite things to do. On my list to try are Comedor, a Mexican place at Kantstraße, Supper Club Kenzy Club by Peter Sum, and the coffee place Common Berlin in Neukoelln by the very sweet Courtney Allis. I will report back! I also still haven’t been to Boii Boii - I guess the evening spots have to wait a bit for the time being…
Books I read
To my own surprise I had more time than I thought to read during the first weeks of my baby: Figured out one of my favorite things to do is having baby C. on my lap while reading a book. World of Books is my new place to order used books - it takes between 7-10 days for delivery which is a bit longer, but usually they ship faster, also prices are great. The last two books I read and liked were Scrap from Calla Henkel (thanks Gila for the recommendation) and Bad Summer People by Emma Rosenblum: I would say both are very entertaining and proper holiday beach reads which is what I enjoy right now. I just put in another big order at World of Books - inspired partly from
again who regularly shares great book recommendations on her Substack: Daddy by Emma Cline, The Great Godden by Meg Rosoff, Giovanna's Navel by Ernest van der Kwast, The Paper Palace by Miranda Cowley Heller and We Were Liars by E. Lockhart. Let’s see how long baby Cassius lets me read, but as long as he does I will :)
Villa Santo Sospir
In last weekends’ Financial Times HTSI, you can find a grand tour on the iconic Villa Santo Sospir on the Côte d’Azur in Cap Ferrat, where writer, director and painter Jean Cocteau (1889-1963) spent ten years holidaying.
In those ten years he covered the walls with his beautiful work. When the owners passed, the house fell into disrepair and a burden of inheritance taxes. It was eventually bought by a Georgian property developer in 2016. The renowed landscape architect Madison Cox and interior designer Jacques Grange have been working on the house to restore it to its former glory to preserve its memory. It is now opening up to be rented out - what a place to take a holiday!
Films To Watch
Hot Milk
Daria Suvorova-Konstandin, founder of Women Authors of Achievement, a platform to empower women, is hosting an outdoor movie night at Freiluftkino Insel together with the arthouse streaming platform MUBI on July, 2nd. The film is a debut by British director Rebecca Lenkiewicz and based on the novel Hot Milk by British author Deborah Levy, a hypnotic and heat-drenched tale of mothers, daughters, desire, and emotional entanglement, set against the searing backdrop of a Spanish summer. Tickets are complimentary, you’ll have to take waiting list places now though. You can do that here. If I didn’t have baby Cass, I would def go!
Sound Works
Yesterday a friend reminded me of this exhibition which we saw yesterday, as we love all three artists: Performance artist Marina Abramović, singer Laurie Anderson and writer Miranda July. From June 26 to July 6 you can see audio-only pieces by three artists renowned for their transformative contributions to contemporary art and performance by the gallery Leson 7 at Glogauer Str 16 in Berlin. Leson 7 is a gallery based in the South of France which travels through the world with pop-up exhibitions with very lovely gallery owners.
A Car Dealer: Meet Auto Otto
Maybe you remember: I was looking to buy a car pre-baby after I haven’t owned one for something like 15 years. I wanted to find someone who acts as a middle-person between a car dealer and myself, as I try to outsource things that I am not good in / find no joy to also manage my resources well. Plus buying the wrong car could end up more expensive than paying a fee for someone to help me doing it. I did find this person: He is called Lukas von Rantzau and was a recommendation from my trusted friends Stella & Eva. His company and services which are quite new are called Auto Otto: He helped with everything for the car via Whatsapp and Google sheets which is the way I like to work. He is additionally a lovely person, so it’s really enjoyable to go through the car finding process which could have been really annoying: I have rarely in my life met less motivated sellers than car dealers at Volkswagen or Volvo, which were the two dealers I tried myself and gave up annoyed.
From finding the right model for us to sourcing and picking it up within Germany (our car came from Cologne), final checks, helping with insurance and tax and whatever else I needed. Lukas delivered the registered car in front of our door, literally days before I gave birth - it was perfect. I would buy a car with him any time again. You pay a fee for his services which is laid out very transparently. He will also help with finding a repair shop if needed in the future. I am so happy to know I can always ask him things related to the car - he might regret it though because I always have a lot of questions lol. If you need a car, I can highly recommend him. Dm Auto Otto and then you can take it from there.
A pregnancy in five acts: A recap
As already mentioned, this newsletter is a feature on pregnancy and post-partum: As said, don’t worry if this topic is not interesting to you - I will share two features on it only, after which I will go back to topics of travel, fashion, arts and interior. But I had a strong urge to write something about this transformational journey which accompanied me for ten months and now became an inseparable part of my being with baby Cassius on my side.
Today's feature focuses on the journey of pregnancy: I worked on this feature for about seven months: I want to share my experiences and learnings, and what helped me when it got tough - I decided to be very honest, also about the first trimester being really hard. I didn’t know how hard it was and I would have liked to be more prepared for what was coming. Being pregnant, birthing and then having a kid takes a village, and I would love if I can support another mother with a good piece of advice, to be maybe a piece of a village. It’s the greatest thing but yes, it’s hard.
*I know the topic of pregnancy can be triggering for some, either because they can’t conceive, don’t have a partner or maybe lost a child - all my love goes to you <3
The next feature which I will launch maybe in two weeks will include a list of everything I got for baby Cass before birth including stroller, car seat, clothing - either new or sourced on Vinted (I made a science of sourcing baby outfits haha) etc. I had no clue about needs and brands before when I started searching for these things. I also didn’t relate to many sources online as I found many things ugly or boring so I wanted to create my own guide curated through a lens of aesthetics as that is as important to me as pragmatism :)
Both features bundle all the amazing advice from my friends and own experience - thank you so much my grande village <3 Lauri L., Laura J., Signe, Sophie, Katherine, Kiki, Amelie, Rieke, Marie, Raffa, Stella, Anni, Gloria, Lauri W., Alba, Bianca, Jen, Albertine and I am sure I forgot someone <3
Act 0: Do I even want children?
That I would want children was not always that straight-up of an answer for me. I love children - but I also also love my freedom and my independence. I like traveling to fancy adults-only hotels and I am a control freak, I like structure and planning things. My career is very important to me. Taking even a small break for maternity leave feels scary: Financial parental leave support in Germany is good to have, but basically just covers my tax consultant and my private health insurance which both need to be paid even during maternity leave.
To get some answers on whether I am ready for children - either now or even ever - I started to read voices on the subject matter from others. I read Motherhood by Sheila Heiti which is about exactly this big question.
I could relate to parts (not to all) of this article by brand consultant Carrie Crecca Maltoza on the great platform Spread the Jelly:
Obviously it can be nature that stands in your way of creating a family. Writer and influencer Camille Charrière wrote a few articles on the topic - on realising that she won’t be able to fall pregnant naturally and failed attempts with IVF on British Vogue, eventually deciding to give up her desire for biological children as the continuous efforts started to take a toll on her marriage - this is the Substack article for the latter.
There is a documentary series on the French-German channel Arte,: It is called unhappy by the writer Ronja von Rönne. It is exploring the idea if children do make us happy? Are parents happy? Are they more happy than people without children?
The interesting part of parenthood is that it will very likely change you, you are suddenly responsible for someone else than just yourself. You won’t know if this change is something you’ll like until you do it - and then it is irreversible for the rest of your life. And it can make one person happy, another one unhappy. Some say they lost themselves and their lives…Do I want that?
I read Laila Gohar’s thoughts and fears about pregnancy, some really hit home - what would this huge change mean for my life? How would it affect my work? What about the things I love doing ?
Eventually the reasons why I wanted to start a family overweighted the reasons why I would not, and eventually we did make the decision to just go for it. I still never had this sudden moment of clarity where I thought I am 100% sure this is the right thing to do because how would that even be possible if I don’t know what it’s like?
I now had baby Cass at 37 years old which to me feels right. I have worked for over 13 years, I’ve had almost three years to establish myself as a freelancer, I have returning and new clients. I have a stable relationship with the best partner I could ever wish for. This set-up doesn’t necessarily have to be like this for others, but to me it was what I needed to be able to decide to embark on this journey.
Act 1: The first trimester
I remember the day when I did the pregnancy test and it was positive. It was such a surreal moment - by chance I had an appointment at the doctor on the same day. When I returned from the doctor with the official confirmation that we would have a baby in less than a year, I cried the entire way home.
Some days or weeks? I don’t remember…I got hit with heavy pregnancy sickness. I felt so so sick and tired - this state lasted for four months. In the article from the great platform Spread The Jelly I mentioned above, one of the authors described the sickness you get hit with while pregnant is “HUMAN MAKING SICKNESS”. She says “you don’t get a human being on the other side of a jolty cab ride” - I thought this felt very true and consoling in a way.
My husband cooked our meals almost every day as I just couldn’t be in the kitchen. I only ate basic things, mostly greasy pasta with cream and cheese. I was moody and hit by hormones, it definitely wasn’t great fun to be around me. We actually went on a beautiful Vienna trip, but all I remember is feeling sick and breaking into dramatic tears when I asked a woman at a very full supermarket if I could skip the line as I was pregnant and didn’t feel good, and after she looked at my belly she declined. Great memory.
What helped me:
I organised myself a midwife (in Germany: Beleghebamme) as soon as I was pregnant which was so helpful. I don’t think I would have managed my birth as well as I have without her.
Food: I followed my gut on what to eat - even if it was mostly unhealthy. I think it’s much better to just try to feel a bit better with that than forcefully trying to eat healthily while you feel sick to your stomach. I am obviously not a nutritionist, but that’s what I did and it didn’t make me feel worse lol. I always had snacks with me such as dry bread, nuts, even next to bed when I woke up (this was a trick of my best friend L.L.!). This might feel contradictory, but it helped
I dived into experiences from other women to realise I am not alone. Some great platforms:
Dear Louisa - my best friend of 17 years, Laura started at the occasion of my pregnancy this newsletter. I could cry every time I see the name, it’s so sweet. She basically accompanied my pregnancy at the right timing with practical knowledge on what to eat, supplement with (she made the perfect list), wear, plan and how to prepare for the arrival as she had a baby one year before me, always according to where I was in my pregnancy. I don’t trust anyone as much as her as having made the best research possible and I follow her advice blindly. Highly recommended!
The platform Spread The Jelly, founded by the two very inspirational women Amrit Tietz and Lauren Levinger features refreshing stories on pregnancy and birth from women such as Alison Roman, Caroline Vreeland or Sophia Roe. The portrayed stories feel very relatable as they are about other self-employed and independent women and I find it interesting to read how they manage the stretch.
Act 2: The second trimester
After almost four full months of feeling pretty sick all day, I accepted the fact that I would probably never feel better. I felt really sorry for myself. But then I miraculously suddenly felt good again. Magic. I woke up and the sickness was just gone. The bump started to slowly show after about four months which made a difference in regards to what I was able to wear and how I felt - and I suddenly bursted with energy, the sickness was just gone. I started to go back to sports: I tried a couple of prenatal classes to understand the rules of what is allowed to do and what not with baby C. in my belly and then went to normal classes. I also took a trip to Lanzarote with my husband and then with my travel bestie, to celebrate the last holidays together as a travel duo (with my friend) and as a couple (with my husband). Can highly recommend, also felt that Lanzarote offered what I wanted then, we did hikes, ate good food and read books. Here you can find the Big Black Book which I wrote back then.
The second trimester was also was the starting point of the great unasked advice my pregnancy was very visible: From when I mentioned that I would still be art-directing a campaign in Italy in pregnancy week 33 to that I am thinking of doing only three months maternity leave, or the absolute worst: Eating raw fish "wow, you are brave, I would have never done that”. I had to really close my ears, know the facts and listen to my body to filter out all this advice. Some people think every pregnancy is the same, but that’s not true and I believe you should just listen to yourself. I tried to get all the facts for example - what exactly is the reason pregnant women should not have fish or coffee - and then decide for myself if I would take that risk. I thought a good book to fact-check was Expecting Better by American author Emily Oster, as she shares evidence and fact-based theories on what to not do why and then you can decide. While I hated the unsolicited advice of some, I loved the connection that mothers whether with baby in or out have - it’s really incredible. It’s like an out-of-this-world generous support system which you didn’t know existed.
I didn’t always love being pregnant - I didn’t like having to be careful all the time and because of the general side effects. But I did love the belly in the second trimester and felt very comfortable in my skin. To my own surprise I became a belly flasher which I am usually really not and loved my body in that phase. I wore belly-free almost every day until the end of my pregnancy - I felt it looked better than oversized clothing which I thought make me look like Spongebob lol. Everyone feels different during pregnancy, just do what rocks your boat.
What worked well for my body were shorter blouses and tops paired with tight pants, shorts worn under the belly. What really didn’t work were longer coats, wide blouses and pants and what looked absolutely insane in a bad way were pants pulled up to the middle of the belly - made me look like Obelix haha.
If you need more outfit inspiration:
What helped me:
Lots of sport - barre, pilates, sculpting, tried to walk 10K steps every day
This pregnancy pillow became my favorite accessory, recommended by my bestie LL. I loved loved loved it - I could not have slept without it. Also a great investment if you are not pregnant - men love it too :)
A hypnobirthing course which was amazing. To be honest I didn’t know what it was really when I booked it, I guess I thought you get hypnotized but that was not the case lol: More about a positive mindset. I did this one from a jivamukti yoga teacher I really liked, but you can also do online courses with Katherine Graves. I am sure there are also more, but these are the ones I know
If you decide to eat raw fish or whatever after having done your research, don’t google anything after. Not good. Generally don’t google any symptoms or anything, ask someone who knows stuff (like a midwife or gyn)
I started to have really nasty cramps in my legs, the ones that you wake up from. First in my calves and then in the inside of my upper legs. Magnesium citrat really helped me, as well as iron. But check with your gynaecologist if you have a lack of iron first
I almost didn’t buy any pregnancy clothes during pregnancy, except of two pants: Lululemon flared leggings and Even&Odd pants in which I lived. I also wore Norma Kamali jersey pants in size small a lot too - I already had them before my pregnancy and they surprisingly fit before, during and after the whole thing which makes no sense to me. I found gym shorts great, worn under the belly.
Act 3: The third trimester
I remember standing in the kitchen during my second trimester, feeling fantastic, wondering if this energetic superwoman phase would last. Spoiler alert - it didn’t. I was happy when I stopped working four weeks before birth, it was really the right time, as my body at this stage demanded rest.
In the last two weeks I didn‘t have energy for anything after 4pm anymore: I went to one more really fun event in pregnancy week 38, but that was really the last one, after that, I really stayed home mostly and turned inwards.
What helped me:
Reducing expectations to myself how much I can achieve in the last two weeks before maternity leave. I am a can-do person, always want to get lots of stuff done and I can be a social animal, but eventually my body didn’t let me. Time to accept the signs your body gives you :)
This sexy belt with memory foam for sleeping: The bigger the belly, the more uncomfortable sleeping gets. With this belt together with my pregnancy pillow, I slept okay again - thanks my Marie C. for this recommendation <3 Have to say the quality of the one I chose wasn’t great, by the end of my pregnancy the closure stopped working but it was good when I needed it
Pregnancy massages - especially because as my “gluteus maximus” started to hurt pretty badly because of the belly weight. I tried to have regular massages from week 33 - the best in my opinion you can get at MDC cosmetic in Berlin, I actually really switched off during those and felt so much better afterwards
Acupressure massages at the midwife centre Mahakala which was recommended to me by Bojana Perisic: Paid by insurance!
Osteopathy. I went to see this osteopath who acted a bit weird but is a genius I think. Dm me, if you want her contact - but be prepared, visiting her is an extreme experience. She actually told me when she saw me first I wouldn’t give birth naturally which was eventually true and was the only osteopath where I actually noticed a difference after the treatment
Upping my magnesium dosage against the cramps
A first-aid newborn and children course - we did this one in English
I created little outfits for baby which kept me going when I just wanted to cry due to the discomfort of the last weeks
Act 4: The Birth
Before my surges started, I was wondering what they would feel like. When they started, I just knew that we are now talking surges. After some time, the waves felt fierce, like a primal force. I would lie if I said it wasn’t painful but it was also strangely beautiful. We went to the hospital after 17 hours of surges, where I had an epidural so I could gather some rest for the night - initially that was not on my plan, but I understood it would give me a break which I then needed. I had to eventually get a c-section the next day at lunch time which wasn’t what I had planned either. Ten minutes after I had said yes to the c-section and had signed scary documents while being on anaesthesia, I was holding my screaming son in my arms. The following three nights at the hospital were a blur; the first I had to spend without my husband as there was no family room. The woman I shared the room with and I both felt so overwhelmed with our new babies that we stayed up all night, calling the carers every hour when the babies wouldn’t stop screaming...It wasn’t easy. We just started to get to know each other and neither the baby nor me knew what to do. Every day we learn a little bit more, and it gets better (with a new challenge coming up haha)
What I really needed in my clinic bag (aside of the obvious things):
Juices: I brought my fav Daluma juices which were amazing and refreshing in-between breaks as an energy kick. I also had coconut water, as I got extremely thirsty
Marathon gel and Dextrose. I don’t like either, but when I got tired it really helped to get me and baby kick-start again
Lots of snacks, protein bars - these might end up being for your partner, but it’s nice to have something to eat when things take longer. Hospital food is beyond - in case you forgot (my highlight this time was fried egg from the deep freeze)
Peri shower from the weeks (and their other products - but if you bring only one thing, the peri shower should be it)
Luxury toilet paper. Yep. Hospital toilet paper is horrible
An analogue camera for memories
A playlist. Not everyone uses it, but I made a playlist for what I thought I would like to listen to in the “pressing phase” and it was exactly right. In the last hours where I went through surges without the epidurals, I put my earphones in and went into my own world which felt kind of ancestral - for the loss of a better word
Flip Flops for walking and taking a shower
A water bottle and a straw, I brought a big bottle from ghia and colorful glass straws (because you can’t always sit up)
The final Act: The forth trimester
My friends who already had children had prepared me to make sure to not neglect this last part of the pregnancy: It begins after giving birth and ends usually after forty days. My husband took a month off which I am very thankful for. We didn’t have any visitors for ten days which I am so happy about as it means you can stay in your newborn bubble without interruption. Everyone is different, but for me that was important. The first two weeks were full of love and cuddling. My partner is an incredible support: He has been caring for my wellbeing 24/7, doing all the grocery and drugstore trips (there will be many haha), he cooks for me. I usually do the daytime caring, while he takes over the night. Now, in week three, things got a bit more intense, we have evenings where he won’t calm down and breastfeeding is still tricky. To take some pressure off myself and my boobs, my husband and I are additionally bottle-feeding with pre-milk and pumped breast milk. No shame in that. I think support and asking for help in this time is key: Besides my partner I have two Whatsapp groups with other moms which are really my village. I highly recommend to get a group of other moms together, it makes me feel less alone in difficult moments. And ChatGpd lol. As hard as it is sometimes, as beautiful it is too! One night I don’t sleep and I am exhausted, and the next he is searching my nose with his mouth which ChatGpd told me is a very early sign of love. Melting.
What helped me:
Four weeks before my due date I discovered the mentioned postpartum brand the weeks. The brand was founded by Dr. Lea Borgmann, a health scientist focused on female health in Hamburg. You can find everything you’ll need after a natural and c-section birth in organic quality and beautiful packaging - organic postpartum pads in different sizes, nursing pads, a peri bottle (take it into the hospital! Game changer), recovery spray, nipple cream, and massage oil. I already recommended this box to all my pregnant friends and would get it again if I had another baby. Everything you need, in organic quality which makes a huge difference to the products you’ll get in the hospital. The weeks also has an app, which you can install before birth: You can find useful tools such as checklists what to bring to the hospital, what the forth trimester is and how to prepare for it, a guide for new dads, a tracker for surges - lots of good content.
A good milk pump if you want to pump and feed with a bottle! At the hospital they had one which looked antique (not in a good way) and made me feel like a cow. At home my Elvie pump awaited me (thank you Kiki!). What a luxury, especially compared to the one at the hospital. Super easy to use, wash and it’s quiet. You can put the pump into your bra, while you are busy doing other things, it has no cable, feels very “Apple”. Highly recommended.
We had amazing and great post-birth food prepared for an entire week by private chef Sophie Weiser, which was a gift from my friends from my baby shower, recommended again by Stella. It was the best gift I received - this is what a fresh mom needs in post-partum. Sophie sent me a suggestion for the menu, brought everything and cooked for five hours at my place, after which we froze everything
It’s good to have beautiful while easy-going clothes ready when you get home. I almost exclusively wore boxer shorts from my favorite loungewear brand Love Stories and just ordered some more. These shorts have an easy fit, no constricting waist-brands. I also loved the wide shirts for example these ones, also from Love Stories. Easy access for breastfeeding and skin to skin contact with baby! They are washable too which you want!
Shorts in XL for a relaxed fit after birth and C-section 
I had an Indian post-partum massage at home fourteen days after birth which felt so good. I was happy she came to my place as I wouldn’t have wanted to be in a different place than baby Cass (separation anxiety - I guess everyone is different). Felt great, can really recommend!
Don’t forget it takes some time for the belly to shrink again: In my case having had c-section, the area around the belly is also quite sensitive, I also had to wear a belt to get it down again. A couple of days before birth I got my eyebrows done, had a mani and pedi: I wear big earrings and put on bronzer even if I don’t leave home. Doing that certainly helped me to get back on track and feel put together!
It feels good to sometimes take a break: Being a mother is beautiful, but also very hard. My partner is very helpful and we do shifts, for someone else it might be the mother or mother-in-law, a friend or a nanny (some insurances pay a housekeeper in certain cases)
Last but not least - having a baby is huge. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, I do too. For the past two days ago my baby didn’t stop crying for hours in the evening and at some point I cried with him. Then we fell asleep, both exhausted, and him eventually finding for safety and calm in my arms which made everything good again. The ambivalence of feelings with a baby... It’s also okay to ask for help, I ask my mom friends loads of questions all the time. If you have a specific question, you can dm me, I can try to help with what I know after three weeks haha. Sending love,
<3
LKD
❤️❤️❤️ sooo much ❤️❤️❤️